Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Purim Kiddush, 2006 edition

It's that time of year again: Time to poke fun at our liturgical and textual traditions. And, so, I present to you the 2006 edition of the Purim Kiddush.

You can download it in Open Document format or PDF.

There have been a number of changes since last year:

Comments and corrections welcome (especially on the Aramaic and pointing).

In case you'd like to study the history of this highly important liturgical text: The older editions are here (2005) and here (2004).

(Unlike the rest of my blog, the files are released under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike2.5 License copyright license. The difference is that derivative works are allowed, under the conditions that the work is attributed and released with the same freedoms as I'm giving you.)

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OK, I really don't have time to spend correcting your Purim Qiddush, because I have to finish writing a mezuzo and cook hundreds of dollars worth of food, but I'm still waiting for the raw food to be delivered, so until then, I can be here.

1. Why the plene spelling in שִׁיכּוּרֵנוּ? (Not necessarily "wrong", but somewhat out of place in your Qiddush, which is otherwise fairly Masoretic.) Also, why not שִׁכְרוּתֵנוּ?

2. חַג הַפּוּרִים קָדְשׁוֹ: yuck! How can you use a definite noun as the first half of a semikhuth-construction? Chas-vesholôm!! If anything, use וּפוּרֵי קָדְשׁוֹ.

3. לְמַעֲשֵׂה בְּסֵפֶר בְּרֵאשִׁית: Thus use of the construct state מַעֲשֵׂה together with the preposition be- is at best idiosyncratci, and at worst just plain wrong. Use either לְמַעֲשֵׂה סֵפֶר בְּרֵאשִׁית or (much better) לַמַּעֲשֶׂה בְּסֵפֶר בְּרֵאשִׁית. If you want to be hip, omit the doghêsh qal in בְּסֵפִר.

4. וַיָּחֶל נֹח: Nice use of pesuqim in the Qiddush-- it adds a nice first-millenium Palestinian flavor. However, make sure to add כַּכָּתוּב בְּתוֹרָתָךְ to introduce the quote.

5. רְצֵה בְּשִׁיכּוּרֵנוּ: why the doghêsh qal in the bêth?

6. בְּתוֹרָתֶךָ: Quit biblicizing! This is clearly a rabbinic liturgical text (witness the form), so use the form בְּתוֹרָתָךְ (or בְתוֹרָתָךְ, without doghêsh qal.

7. שֶׁל אַהֲרֹן: The word שֶׁל was invented by the editors of the printed editions of the liturgy. Use שֶׁלְּאַהֲרֹן (like שֶׁלִּשְׁלֹמֹה in the Canticle).

8. נְבִיאֶךָ: again, Rabbinic Hebrew would use נְבִיאָךְ.

9. לִרְדֹּף אַחֲרֵי: I am by no means an expert in the syntactical use of prepositions after the verb רדף, but I'm not sure that אחרי would be appropriate here. Perhaps just לרדף מצוותיך?

10. כַּאָמוֹר: What the hell is that?!!!!! Don't you mean כָּאָמוּר? Change this immediately!!!

11. וּבַּעֲבוֹר: get rid of the abominamle doghêsh in the first bêth, and change the hôlem to a shureq.

12. דַע: Should have doghêsh qal in the daleth.

12. לֶאָכוֹל: Sounds nasty (to be eaten, like לֵאָכֵל? Have you been hanging around with Hamlet or Polonius?). Change to לֶאֱכֹל.

13. דָוִד: Should have doghêsh qal in initial daleth.

Oh, it looks like my delivery has arrived. I gotta get to cooking-- or perhaps to working on the mezuzo.
Thanks for the corrections!

(1) Plene spelling: Because it's derivative of something written without nikud.

Word choice: It's immitative of the common Ashkenazic siddur text in the Shabbat kiddush, רצה במנוחתינו. Consistency isn't the goal here.

(2) Didn't sound right. Revised to " וְחַג הַפּוּרִים הַזֶּה"

(3) Grammar corrected.

(4) The choice of not including "ככתוב...," is somewhat inconsistent (and from the wrong language), but was a stylistic choice to remove too many references with the same pattern. I compromised on "לַמַּעֲשֶׂה הַכָּתוּב בְּסֵפֶר בְּרֵאשִׁית" , which is a bit more (but not fully) consistent with what might appear in a liturgical text.

(5) Because it was somewhere between 1:30 and 2AM when I was typing it.

(6) For better or worse, it's immitative of common contemporary Ashkenazic nusach siddurim. The Rabbinic Hebrew form is only used in some Chassidic siddurim, Nusach Edot Hamizrach, and the Yemenite siddur (I think).

(7) It's a direct three-word quote from the version of Pirkei Avot I have on hand.

(8) See 6. This time from a repeated theme in Ashkenazic machzorim, like Birnbaum, Harlow, and (I think) Artscroll.

(9) Not sure about it either. But, it sounded right to me.

(10) of course. See 5.

(11) The + key and the _ key are right next to each other. :-)

(12) Fixed.

(13) It was even worse -- It had a nonexistent vowel (an overlapped sheva and segol) under it, instead of a hataf-segol.

Chag Sameach!

There were other corrections, as well, which I should make, but it's nearly 1:30 AM, and I have an incredible amount of things that I need to do between now and Purim. Plus, I'm leyning on Purim night and Purim day, and I don't want to be exhausted for my leyning-- after all, the Megillo is longer than the longest double sedro. I'm afraid that I have to go to bed now. (I'm just hydrating myself before the fast.) I'm afraid that the other corrections may have to wait until after Purim. (Unless, of course, I find time between cooking and mezuzo-writing to waste time on the internet.)
I should really proofread better myself, but my command of grammar is nowhere near as good as yours, and, it will take me a much longer time.

This is, of course, a parody. By its nature, it doesn't have to be grammatically perfect.

Of course, a good layning is much more important. :-)
This is, of course, a parody. By its nature, it doesn't have to be grammatically perfect.

Of course, a good layning is much more important. :-)

No, no. Fahkert! Because my command of grammar is better than yours, people will be yôtzê the mitzvo of Megillo through me, at least בדיעבד, even if I don't prepare. After all, I won't make any egregious mistakes. However, if I don't correct the remaining grammatical errors in you Purim Qiddush, people might not be yôtzê the mitzvo of Purim Qiddush even בדיעבד, Has we-sholôm.
im drnk hsve to leyn tomoerrioew mornig good night
spitt on flor

hard firgure out yoor spam filtrer
when i'm shikker



spit again
Someone had a happy holiday...


And when I woke up hung-over at around 6:00 AM, I found dried willow-leaves all over the floor. And I remembered: Oh, right. I mentioned something about vasser last night, and somebody said "kôl mevasser", and I took the dried hôsha`no branches off from the top of the bookshelf, and thwacked them all over the floor. And right now, I have more important things to do than clean them up.

But I did finish my mezuzo last night. Yay, me!

I hope your Purim is going wonderfully.
I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much.
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